(APPEARANCE)

[justify]A long time ago, when I was merely more than an ignorant teenager I meet a lady. She wasn’t the sweetest lady, she spoke bitterly of everyone and I was no exception. Her face was lined with wrinkles and it was weathered from years of hard work. She was… ugly, but when she spoke you had to stop. Everything in you made you listen, it was wisdom. Back then I had the self-absorbed thoughts that any teenager in the Capitol had, I thought of myself as beautiful not a flaw, and picture perfect. No one had made me believe otherwise until I meet her. That old lady had guts, she had a nerve to tell me that I wasn’t perfect, she told me that I was far from it. My appearance wasn’t the only thing that was a flaw, but my personality drained everything from who I was… or who I could be. As I grew older I learned and began to understand who I was and what that lady had meant. Be true to yourself and you will find who you are.

I didn't know what it meant when I was younger to be called flawless, I had always thought of it as if I was perfect and no one, not even Mary Sue could be any better then I. even as I progressed through the years I still found myself beautiful and above everyone. Then I stopped, I stopped and looked in the mirror.I didn't see me, all I saw was a shadow of who I was. It scared me and as I gazed at my pale blue eyes I saw who I actually was. I wasn't flawless I had more then anyone could count, I didn't see someone who was the most beautiful girl in the world, in fact that was what I saw a girl. I saw a girl that was changing, she was not what I had once thought. She didn't look how I imagined. She was small and petite even frail around the edges. It wasn't someone I wanted to see. I had thought of myself as strong and powerful in contolr of their own body. Was that really me?

Then I grew up, I became more "mature", I learnt what it was to take care of yourself, my body grew thicker, changing from its petite frailness to a more sturdy frame. It now held the ability to hold me and allow me to do tough work. It held its shape even when I was sick or didn't have the time to do the exercise I now did daily. My body was fit and healthy prepared for anything, it had all the nutrition and more. This was me...This was what I was meant to be. My eyes grew from sunken in two shining and bright, the paleness thinned to a more prominent colour and my eyes were and still are my most favoured part of my body. I love the way I only have to add a touch of make-up to them and then they look perfect. I no longer piled on the foundation and blush. I wanted to look natural and I did. My lips gained a pink tinge and they were soft not flaky and peeling. A long time ago I believed starving myself and letting myself go made me perfect, I believed it made me fit in with the rest.Sometimes you have to look past your appearnce to see what is inside, to see what you really look like.The next time I looked in the mirror I finally got it to be your trueself, it means to find a place to find a meaning, to find what you want and need in life. It means to find who you really are. I believe I have found that.

I walk past shops everyday to get to my job, to do what I have to. I know follow my dream and lead a job I love. I let my family go to follow my career and to be me. I haven't seen them since I was twenty and to me they are as good as dead. Harsh, right? But it was what I had to do to be a Peacekeeper in the Special Forces and I don't regret it one bit. I get to wear everything I want to, long combat boots and tight shirts, even a jacket that hides the many dangerous weapons under it. I guess the only thing I regret is not being able to have my hair how I love it, whether it is red or brown, I miss wearing it down, but that is a small scarafice to pay for what I get to do. So I tie back my long tangle of hair into a tight ponytail. It isn't how I like it, but my choppy hair doesn't protest, itsn't difficult and a brush will sail easily through it, I love it. I love me becauseI'm myself, I'm unique and no one is like this. I can be anyone one I want. No one can stop me.I love clothes and fashion, but the fashion of clothes that a Peacekeeper would wear, clothes that can save your life and can hold your last resort. It is fashion of a different kind.

I have a pet. She comes with me everywhere I go. Bambi. You wouldn't think that the little white lamb that follows me was dangerous, but oh she is. I believe she adds to the sort of peron I am. A person of love? Of power? I don't know, but it is me that I see when I look in a mirror now.

(PERSONALITY)

I don't know if you knew, but I have an accent. It is a slight Russian one and it makes my words sound strange or even a little mis-pronounced, but it isn't much, so don't be worried. It just annoys me when people laugh or take my words wrong because they don't understand. I am a person afterall. My mother always use to tell me no matter how much someone teases you or annoys you don't take the bait, don't fight back. But then again she was a hypocrite. So I followed in her footsteps and became as hypocritical as she was. If I was teased about my accent I fought back with words and more often a physical confrontation. I usually ended on top being a Peacekeeper I held more power in both my body and words. How could I loose? I became so hypocritical I did everything I told people not to do, and I did it all just because I could, just because I held the power to do so. I guess I was power made and... I just didn't want to be like the rest. It was no excuse. Something inside me told me I was acting like my mother, but I didn't want to be her, that was why I did everything I told others not to do. I did it all because my mother told me I couldn't do things we she could, I wanted people to feel that way, but I didn't want to be my mother.

I'm not a sensitive person, I have no feelings or so my father always said. I would never cry, even when my sister died, I didn't cry, I just shrugged and kept going. On the inside I was shattered, I loved her, kind of. But she had been my sister... On the inside I was shattered, but in my heart all I felt was joy. My parents had always favoured her over me and I believed that they might love me back... I was wrong they hated me even more, they blamed me for her death. It tore at me on the inside. Did they know I had been the one to kill her? I had planned it so well, I hadn't told anyone. Maybe I should have killed my parents for wronging me, but then how would they suffer? So I let them live. I'm a cruel and heartless person, and as everyone used to say I'mself absorbed. I don't believe that is true. I love myself because I'm me and this is who I am. I have changed from a girl that could barely hold her own against soemone weather it be mental or a physical attack. My heart has hardened I have become cold and isolated from everyhting and everyone I care for. Was this change for the good or the bad? I surely hoped it was for the good.

No offense, but it would be very sad if you couldn't tell that I am a very serious person. You must be as blind and as dumb as you look if you couldn't see that. I'm not a joker. The only thing that I have any warmth to is Bambi, she is the only light in my day... without her I would be an Earth with no sun, cold and alone. I should also mention I can over-exaggerate things or get a little dramtaic. It was ahabbit I had to get to keep myself alive. When I cracked it my parent s had to take care of me and feed me and clothe me. I guess it stuck. As they say the more exaggerated the truth the more likley someone will believe it. I follow that rule everyday. Being so serious tends to repel people away from me. They don't like being near me. Even my soul left me. People eye me as a freak... I suspose in a way I am one. Not many people are like me, there may be more like me in the districts, but I hate those people. Capitol people see me and they think I'm weird. I don't dress like them or act like them so to them I am the different one. I guess people can see you as different if there are so many people that way, but me I'm all I have. I'm alone, I live alone all except for Bambi.

I hate them, I grew up hating them all. I hate people. They have too many feelings and they just need too much to survive. Bambai doesn't need much, just a little bit of food and water and that was it! Youdon't need any fancy place to shit orany stupid resturant to eat. Why did the human society have to change so much. Animals are smart, they may not have the intelligance that we do, but they have the skills and talents to survive that we don't. I watch the Capitol people everyday like a lion, I'm their protector, because they are incapable of protecting themselves against the Hyenas Distict people. I despise them, I hate those people and what they do. But prehaps we are more alike then I might think. District people are pathetic, sure they tried a rebelion, good on them, but seriously they are sitting and listening to a man with lips the size of balloons. Why don't they do something. I would, if I didn't like it I would change it, I want them to fight... that way I can kill them and kill and kill till there is none left, not one child or women would survive. I ignore people cries of pains and mercy, if anyone no matter who wronged me, they were dead egardless if they are sorry. I don't make mistakes. If you know me you know you should tread carefully around me.

(HISTORY)

I don't have a family they are all dead to me. They died long ago, when they chose Kire over me. I never forget it. I never will... Who forgets when you are forgotten? You never loose a memory that changes your life, and memories that change your life for the worst always stay with you.

It was cold, it always was in my house, to everyone else it was toasty warm and "full of love" bullshit! They were all oblivious to me as always. This is the day it happened christmas morning, the day before I turned fourteen. I headed down stairs, down to the room. Everyone sat around the tree happy and smiling. They didn't evennotice me.... I was invisiable. I walk into the room and sit down. My mother finally notices me, she smiles, what seems to me to be forced, but I nonetheless smile back. My father hands Kire a gift, then digging behind the pile of presents he hands me one. I looked numbly downat that present, but curiousity forced me to open it. Kire squealed and my head snapped up, she held a beautiful carving of a unicorn. It was filled with colour and made my stomach twist with jealousy. My eyes flicker down to my present. A picture frame. I wanted to cry and scream, but instead I stood up abrubtly and walked out of the room. The frame lay on the ground. My parents didn't see me go.
That was the day that made me do it. That was the day that Kire's death was marked, she wouldn't see me coming, but lets face it, who would? After all I was invisiable.

The next day, I turned fourteen and to me it was the right day. Kire had everything she wanted and my parents were so happy in bliss with their little angel. It was my birthday and to me, ending my nightmare was the best present I could wish for. I killed her in the house, she was a gulliable little girl that lived in her day-dreams and in the world of the Capitol. It was easy. Water and electricity don't mix well.

The sadest thing about everything I did was, I didn't get what I had hoped, my parents were so hung up on that girl that when she died, they died and to them, I meant nothing, to loose their angel was it. To them I didn't exisist, I was no more then a shadow. That was all I ever was a shadow.I vanished from their minds and I soon had to learn to fend for myself. It was hard, Capitol people were selfish and knew nothing of me. I didn't exist to no one, apparently my parents had never spoken of me to no one. I roamed the streets for days looking for a home, but to be honest I didn't know what the rue meaning of a home was, I never had lived in one. My search ended one day. I meet a man, he was a Peacekeeper. He took me in, he trained me to be like him. I followed him and listened to everything he said. He kept me at a distance though. He would never letme close, he would never let me know him. It made me who I am. He trained me and feed me, he gave me shelter and for a while I had a place and a sense of feeling, a place I could call home. But nothing ever lasts, I should have known that from experiance. The Peacekeeper told me I was ready and once again I was on my own.

I left, but I stayed the way he had trained me... I became one of them, I became a Peacekeeper. But I didn't want that. I couldn't stop there. I was power made, I wanted I needed attention, the attention that I had never gotten before. I wanted to be the one for the first time in my life, int the spotlight. I wanted to be Kire. I rose through the ranks easily. Through manipulation and bribery, it was simple, give them what they wanted and they were yours. Then I found something... It was the best of the best. Better then the ranks I was in now. I wanted it. I enetered the Special Forces Peackeepers cocky and arrorgant... Huh you'd have expected me to change, but I haven't I'm still cocky and arrorgant. But now I'mwith the elite and I am at the top of the best. I'm better then all the rest. So I guess I have found the lobg wanted attention i never had, but years of abuse have left scars, scars that no one can see. I'm not even sure they are there myself, but why else would the imagies of my dead sister flash before my eyes? I know why. But you don't and everytime I see her limp body, or her that sound of her last breath and even her surprised eyes as she looked at me as if I was a stranger in her house... I smile, I smile, it makes me happy. I makes me feel pleasent and all warm on the inside. I have fianally found something I enjoy.

So many people have asked, why do I have a pet lamb, why, why it smells? I always say to them FUCK OFF! I love Bambi so much, I have had her for over three months, I love her so much. I don't go any where without her. Not even work. She is all I have and she is the only thing in the world I have ever let myself get close to. I don't know why, but I needed something. And Ithough it was only right that I have that. I found Bambi on a travel, she was in Dsitrict ten... you could say I saved her or kidnapped your choice, either way I have her and I will for as long as I can. Don't ask me, I already know, but I am pretty sure that when Bambi dies I will as well. Call me crazy, but Bambi is like a child to me... any parent would die if they saw their young dead, that is what happened to my parents and it is what will happen to me. I guess I am a hypocrite. I go along in life knowing I have done what I could to destroy my family. They deserved everything that happened to them, but inaway as I look at my life, I see what I have done. Bambi is both a curse and an escape. She has doomed my life to an end, an end in the near future, but I don't blame her because she is also a gift. She has given me something my parents never could, a family.